February 2012
33 posts
Twilight Sucks!: 100 reasons why Twilight sucks. →
abctaylor:
I can’t remember where I found this, but I saved it. 1. Bella is a perfect character (“Mary Sue”), which Meyer hides by calling her clumsy.
2. Being clumsy is not a flaw if Edward always catches her. 3. She can’t do anything without Edward. 4. And when he leaves she attempts to…
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brandothan asked: Tom. Favorite flavor of pie.
Teacher: "I'm calling your parents"
laugh-addict:
Elementary school: “NOOO, i’ll be good”
Middle school: “Pssh, whatever”
High school: “haha tell my mom I said Hi”
laugh-addict.com
Reblog if you'll answer anything in your ask right...
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A Summery of the Life of Jesus. Not exactly...
I wonder if anyone is secretly in love with me.
laugh-addict:
LOL. next joke.
laugh-addict.com
Hey Guys! I have a new Tumblr blog!
I’m trying out a new blog! Where as this one I post generally funny things (with some wisdom), “Tom with Tom” is all about my adventures with either myself alone, or myself with…myself. Check it out! www.tomwithtom.tumblr.com Don’t worry. I’ll still actively use this one for all my general humor and insight. :)
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Had this convo on Omegle
You: Where's Bin Laden?
Stranger: Dead. You a little slow on the news?
You: Really? Oh shit
You: I should inform the fuhrer
Anyone feel like being cute? ;)
Okay, so this day called “Valentines Day,” is coming. I’m gonna post this (you can too) & see what number people INBOX me. 1. Second Chance 2. You’re Cute 3. Kiss 4. Better Friendship 5. Chill 6. Cuddle 7. Long term Relationship 8. An apology 9. A Hug … 10. I like you 11. Im Crushing on you 12. I dislike you 13. I love you 14. Will you be my Valentine?
Mr.liam brennen, shouldn't you be taking notes?
:P
HEY GUYS!
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January 2012
66 posts
jpierrepontcriss:
you know how people say “shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars”?
actually, besides the sun, the closest star is over 4 light-years away
so if you miss, you’ll just be floating through the dark void of space for the rest of eternity until you are dead, just like your dreams
Lol :P
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I actually had this conversation on Omegle
Stranger: Hey!
You: I would like to talk to you
You: but I cannot
You: You see, I am a horse. And my hooves are too big for typing
Stranger: Oh man, I'm sorry!
Stranger: It's rough being a horse. Not that I would know, being a giraffe.
Stranger: But us giraffes do have a whole host of giraffe specific problems.
You: Do you have trouble pressing the shift key too?
You: Every time i http://e621.net/data/38/4a/384a365b87699d6df0cec30f94f07590.jpg?1282391806
You: Oh shit
You: Please dont look at that
You: its a private picture between me and my wife
Stranger: Haha, this was a very clever way of making me go to a link, mr. horse.
Stranger: Little known fact, curiosity kills giraffes as well as cats.
Stranger: OH MAN
You: I hope you learned your lesson, my friendly giraffe
Stranger: I don't even have a thing for horses and that's hot...
Stranger: Man, you and your wife are good looking horses.
Stranger: I feel compelled to reciprocate.
Stranger: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bUh-1_QjMoM/TQeVAFp97aI/AAAAAAAAABU/rGYeQhlV584/s1600/giraffe+style.jpg
You: Well...I appreciate that, thank you. I guess it isnt too bad,since I meant to send it to pighouse forums
Stranger: That's me and my girlfriend, Nellie.
Stranger: Ohhh, dirty horse!
You: Oh my!
You: You are quite a couple
Stranger: Thank you, thank you.
Stranger: The logistics of giraffe sex are very difficult, so we often live 30+ years while still being virginal.
Stranger: I was lucky, losing my giraffe-virginity at just 22
You: Gee, I feel like a dick now.
You: Looking back, my wife and I
You: Hope I dont sound like im complaining
You: But we would always do things, but we'd always argue about stupid things, like WHERE to do it, or in WHAT whole
You: I look back and regret not being thankful that I could
You: Thank you for your enlightenment, Mr.Giraffe
Stranger: Not a problem, Mr. Horse! It's little discoveries about oneself like that that make our lives better.
Stranger: I know some crazy humans enjoy being sex'd by horses, have you ever gotten any of that action?
You: Oh heavens no! One of my co-workers in my union got in trouble for mating with some fat white sapian. The man died in a week.
You: He's in a LOT of trouble, still
You: And besides, its never contemplated my mind.
Stranger: Golly, you're co-workers with Mr. Hands? He's all over the ungulate news.
You: We never really knew each other, but I heard he was a bit overly prideful of his sexual adventures
You: The female horses always complained that he wouldnt stop talking about it
You: his mother especially
Stranger: Wow, he sounds like kind of an asshole! Giraffes are very modest about all things bedroom related, almost to the point of being puritanical.
Stranger: Well, most giraffes. My Nellie and I aren't quite as 17th century about it.
You: Us horses, too. But he was something of a rarity
You: This whole thing, my wife said she heard from a girlfriend about a contest, sooo
You: and this economy. Jeez
You: Did you know that anti-predator security is up 50 leaves?
You: 50 LEAVES
You: That's like 300 grapes
Stranger: No way!
Stranger: Wow, we live in the subburbs so we don't need anti-predator, but that is ridiculous.
You: Yeah, I tell my wife I don't need it, but she was raised by Zebras
You: Parental instincts apparently
Stranger: Ha, Zebras. Paranoid devils they are!
You: Oh god, her mother in law is a lion in disguise
You: I mean MY mother in law
Stranger: No way!
You: big hooves lol
You: I'd like to think so
Stranger: Wow, you poor thing.
Stranger: My mother in law makes me Acacia leaf and Eucalyptus sandwiches for lunch every day, but I guess I'm just blessed.
You: Sounds a lot better than sneaking poison ivy into your hay because she thinks you erased her program on the DVR
Stranger: You want my advice? "Accidentally" trip her next time she's doing the steeplechase. We all know what happens when an animal like us gets their leg broken.
You: Oh...oh my.
You: I'm not sure if those kind of extremes are necessary
You: I mean, sure, we disagree a lot, but its natural. Red VS Blue, In-laws VS In-laws
You: But if she puts that poison ivy in their again, ill rip her tail out
You: there
You: lol big hooves
Stranger: Haha, that sounds like a good plan. Mr. Horse, it was wonderful talking to you. But tomorrow's a big day at the office- I have to take inventory of all 500 Acacia trees at the factory. Gooodnight!
You: You too. Perhaps I can send you a Pmail
You: you know, a Pigeon mail
You have disconnected.
brandothan asked: You want a dirty message? HERE'S A DIRTY MESSAGE! A GARBAGE TRUCK IS IN YOUR DRESSER!
Send me a dirty message on anon, and if I'm too...
holyshitmyporncollection:
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When you're home alone and you can do whatever the...
epic-humor:
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